I'm trying to make Lemonade here..

..Except you can't make Lemonade with grapes.

You all have heard the quote "When life hands you lemons, make Lemonade." Well SHIT tell life to stop handing me freking GRAPES!

I try soo hard to not let the 'little' things bother me. I try to live my life not stressing over things I cannot change, or that are inevitably going to happen. I just cannot get myself to stop worrying about money.

I work full time, and I babysit every other week for a little extra cash. I can pay all of my bills (barely) and buy groceries and gas with a teeny-tiny bit of spending money. I do not make enough money to buy myself new clothes, or to do things that people my age should be able to do. But I'm ok with that. Sort of. I have food, a house, and clothes. I do fun things every weekend, and I make it a point to buy myself something (very very small) at each paycheck.

Ok. So what I cannot pay for: MY STUPID LEMON OF A FRACKIN CAR. I'm so sick of this damn car. Its a 2001 Ford Taurus. I got a loan in October of '07 for $5000. I pay $115 a month to pay off the loan. That's all fine and dandy. This however is not:

In late fall/early winter '07-the brakes went out. $600

Early Spring '08- Starter died. $200

Early Summer '08-TRANSMISSION DIED. Completely-$1500

To make things even better, about a month ago I noticed that my car was getting hottish. I don't know how better to explain it other than that. The temp. gauge was getting hot when I was driving. So what did I do? Ha nothing. I talked to people and they said it sounded like my thermostat. From what I was told, thermostats were not hard to fix. So I took it in. They quoted me at $115 for a new thermostat. But they were not sure if that's what it was.

Annndd of course it wasn't! Its a broken head gasket or something like that. I can't really remember, my head got all spinny when he told me. I do remember that he said $1500 dollars. Now obviously I cannot pay for that. Luckily my dad is AMAZING and he is going to help me somehow.

I don't even want this car anymore! I noticed that every season something has gone terribly wrong with this car. And I've only had it for a year. If this little pattern keeps up I will have to put money in my car 16 more times! I'm sure that's not going to happen but STILL! I would rather just go lease a new car. One with no problems. Buuttt I can't. I have to pay money on this for 4 more years! BAHH.

Things will all work out. I know that they will. It just gets hard to see it sometimes. Especially when a collection agency calls and tells me I owe $1542 in medical bills. RIGHT after I got off the phone with my dad about the car. Oh well. It will work out.

Tomorrow is Halloween. I LOVVEE Halloween :) Katy and I have cute costumes and there will be pictures next week!

We are probably paying extra for it too!

We have this porch. Its nice. Its big. Its pretty. It has a fire pit and nice chairs.

We NEVER use it. Except somtimes. But usually like never.

I had to clean it off so the dog we are watching can poop out there. The damn thing was covered in leaves! The porch and the dog. So I swept it-the porch, not the dog!

I was not expecting to find all this random stuff when I was out there!

My bike. Who knew! A balloon string. From Fathers day.

Probably the last time we were on the porch.

I bought these flowers after my mom gave me the

planters. I have no idea how they survived.

I never watered them. Not once.

They look so pretty now :)

Don't know who that belonged to!

I found this under lots of leaves,

With my grandma right next to me.

Ha.

A dead pogo stick.

Looks like somebody exceeded

the weight limit.

Pinecones! Sitting on top of my fire pit.

After I could actually SEE the fire pit

it made me want to make a fire.

Bug Spray!

A tent. We went camping.
In June. ooppss

All the leaves I swept.
My complex can be pretty.

I also found a shot glass. I threw it in my pocket really quick so my Grandma didn't see it.

I'm 21. Why do I still feel the need to hide the fact that I drink from my family?? Weird. I wonder if that will ever go away!

I LOVE me Pump :)

I have been a diabetic for 7 years now. (ah!) But I've only been on an Insulin Pump for 5 months. Ohh how I love my pump. :) But I am having just one problem. Sleeping.


I'm not a terrible sleeper. Well at least I didn't think I was before the pump. I generally sleep on my stomach or my sides. I didn't think I slept on my back at all, but I guess I do. I don't move around too much, but I'm having trouble with my pump at night.


I clip it to the back of my pants when I sleep, because I don't sleep on my back. That kind of works, except when it comes unclipped (which has been happening every night) and wraps around my stomach. Uh, that is soo annoying! My tubing is only 23 inches long so I will wrap myself in the tube and all of a sudden I wake up because it hurts how tight it is all around my abdomen. One night I woke up and my pump was not on at all, I had wrapped it around myself and the Quick Set pulled off. Thank goodness I woke up and put a new one on right away! (I think!) I just don't know what to do! I don't know how to NOT have this happen.


Something else weird happened the other night. I suspended my pump in the middle of the night. I did not wake up and suspend it, I just woke up and it was not delivering any insulin. I have no idea how I did that, it is 3steps to stop the insulin in my pump, and I did it all while sleeping?

I guess I will figure something out! Maybe I will just have to lock it during the night, so I can't push any buttons!

I don't know.. mabe my cat did it. She is very smart you know :0)

Life Lesson #1: Easy vs. Right

You know those lessons your Mother tells you when you are growing up, and you brush her off with an "Momm-uhh. I get it."

She tells you those things, and you think that thats NEVER going to actually happen. Life is great!

Yea. They always happen. She is always right. Many of the things my parents taught me as a child have helped me in my adult life. Some of the things my parents taught me have SUCKED though. Like right now. It sucks.

Doing what's right is not always easy. But Doing what's easy is not always right.

I'm dealing with this right now. I did what was right. Not what was easy. Now I am stuck in this horrible, terrible situation. Heres the deal:

This person who I love and care for beyond words is in trouble. She has been for awhile. She has been having 'issues' now for around 5 years. Its gotten worse and worse as the time has gone on. To a point where I could no longer just act like it was normal. Not only for her sake, which is the main thing, but it has been affecting me too. I could not sit around and make excuses for her anymore.

So I did what was right. It was not easy. It was the extreme opposite of easy. It was about as easy as shoving bamboo shoots down your own fingernails. It took me a long time to get the nerve to do it. But, on Sunday I told my parents. Who just happen to be her parents too.

OH MY GOD. sucks. Now, I was fully aware that when they talked to her about it she would not be happy with me. I am the only person who would have told them these things. I knew she would be pissed. Like I said, I knew she would be mad and probably not talk to me for awhile.

I'm ok with that. It SUCKS, but I'm ok with it. I had to tell my parents because I am worried about her. I could no longer watch her walk down that path and not do anything about it. She needs help. Help beyond what I can give. I do not regret telling them. I'm not sorry that I did. I just wish she could see why I did it. I wish she could see that it was not because I hate her and want her in trouble. Its not because I'm a bitch, or anything like that. I did it because I love her.

I just wish she could see that.
One day she will.
Lets just hope that one day comes sooner rather than later.

I did the right thing and it was NOT easy. I did the right thing and thats what counts.